Thursday, July 31, 2008

SvenStadium

Relativity is not for octopuses.

Tentacles the Wise Octopus of Sopholos rarely looks up in the sky. But when he does, his disdain for the Theory of Relativity takes the better of him. He observes:

They say that if my vision was infinitely sharp and I waited long enough, I could look far into the sky and see the back of my head. If I turned around, I would still see the back of my head. Left and right and in between, the back of my head is ahead of me. I am surrounded by the back of my head. This can't be right.

And who can argue?

And the reason is allegedly that space is curved. So if I walk straight ahead I will arrive here. Not in my lifetime! Not on these tentacles!

Certainly not.

If space is curved, then time must be curved too; and the arrow of time is bended and taking us back in time!

He has a theory as to why there is more matter than antimatter in the Universe:

... assuming that the Big Bang did happen, antimatter moved backwards in time and into a backward Universe!

Greek philosophers are not what they used to be.

--

The first journalists arrived in China to cover the Olympic Games. Only to discover that their Internet activity is being monitored. These people are responsible for keeping us informed and they had to google “how to get to Tien An Men Square from Hilton Hotel” to find out that – if you can believe it! -- Internet in China is censored! We don't have enough leaden cucumbers to offer them.

We do have a very informative article to recommend.

Speaking of the Olympic Games, we have a suggestion as to what the London Olympic Stadium for the 2012 Olympics should look like.

This is Bird's Nest, the Olympic Stadium in Beijing that looks like a Bird's Nest:




And this is our suggestion for the 2012 Olympics:

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Empty Nest Syndrome

As you all know, Marina the Nut lives and works in Germany, Europe, Third Rock from the Sun.

So many of her co-workers are Cancers and Leos, apparently, that for the past two or three weeks there has been cake almost every day on the occasion of somebody's birthday. They've been pulling a Laney on her! (That's short for Elaine Benes, obviously.)

Not that she minds!

Anyway, yesterday morning she received this e-mail from a colleague, sent to the whole floor:

Subject: Can it be true??

Yes it can!
Cake today at 3 p.m. at the usual place.


By 3p.m. the following sign had appeared hanging on the door to the “usual place”:

Cake we can believe in!

Who said they didn't have a sense of humor?

--

So the price of oil has been going up and up and up and tumbling down and up and down. Ask any smart-ass like us and they will tell you that, obviously, there are forces at work using aggressive speculation to push some players out of the market and create some kind of powerful elite or whatever. Nothing to do with real-time supply and demand. So now we told you and the world is smarter. So what? So what?

Can we do anything? No. Can you? We didn't think so.

Does this sound uncharacteristically depressing?

Oh, don't mind our moods. Something else is bothering us, really.

Nine months of labor on this blog to make Sven famous and... voilĂ . Mission accomplished. As you know, he has his own blog now. He's out there on his own! He doesn't need us anymore! ***sniff***sigh*** We need a purpose.

Should we give a golden apple to George W. Bush for saying Wall Street was a binge-drinker in a bad hangover? When he thought the world was not listening? Naahhh.. That would be like giving U2 a leaden cucumber for a second-rate bootleg recording.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Blessed

Blessed are the meek. And the heterosexuals.

What? He didn't say that? Everybody says it's in the Bible! Perhaps in different words!

Unsure, we asked Tentacles of Sopholos, the wise octopus, for his opinion.

Tentacles's pipe blew and puffed. He gave us his oracle,

The Bible is the interpretation of the Bible.

We looked at each other. Mimi spoke up. And let me guess, God is the interpretation of God and a tree is the color of plants.

Tentacles blinked his tiny eyes very slowly. That sounds more like Tentacles Tentacles, he said, referring, of course, to his brother the cretin, who always says things twice, but in different words.

Then he put out his pipe and tip-toed away, mysteriously.

Tentacles Tentacles, who had been eavesdropping all along, popped up and said.

I guess what my brother is trying to say, what he wishes for you to understand, is that the Bible is more than a list of rules, a collection of guidelines. It's ...

a loud splash interrupted our exchange, and thankfully so.

--

Tentacles took a dive into the deep blue sea, where secret treasures go on glimmering in the dark.

Friday, July 11, 2008

We would like to thank our Mom...

Kirsten says:

“I am an only child. The whole world revolves around me. This is a fact.”

Well, we are happy to reassure her that it doesn't show (in a bad way) on her very entertaining blog, the SoccerMom Files!

We, on the other hand, happen to be the youngest children of our respective families. In accordance to Uncle Kurt's theory, based on his personal experience as the youngest child in his own family, we just aim to entertain. We are used to not
being taken seriously. Not all people like to be entertained, though, or not by us anyway. At the end of his days, poor Kurt was lamenting that he had no family left to entertain. As for us, our respective families live far away – or we live far away from them. So we entertain each other silly on a daily basis.

But now it seems we have managed to entertain Mom Kirsten too! As we announced last Wednesday, she gave us an award!!

And what a beautiful one too!


by Arte y Pico.

OK, here comes the copy-paste part (the weird grammar is not ours):
Rules:
1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contributes to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y pico”blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.

--

And now comes our part!

We are very fond of all the blogs we list in our blogorama – see right side of this page, not to mention a couple of others that we just haven't gotten to include yet. So this is a bit tricky.


--

First we'd like to acknowledge a couple of finalists that didn't make it, but we love them nonetheless.

Frank Widman, from Simple Man Simple Thoughts, for his excellent other blog Strange News for a Coffe Break Chuckle. Don't be turned off by the ad posts now and then, there's some hilarious news in there! Go look for them!

Our dear Monica, and her Quarks and Bosons we'd love to honor, but she keeps a low profile to protect her privacy. Charming!

Jeannette (her doctor calls her Lynn) still eats Spaghetti and she is beyond nuts. Very silly, pointless blog that promises exactly what it offers: Jeannette Eats Spaghetti... then blogs about Whatever. You have to love her, but why?

--

And the winners are:

ONE: We can not not give an award to FrogBlogDogLog!!!, by Bimmy the Bookish and Co., which happens to be an excellent blog for children, which we still are, according to our families. Now you have to understand that Bimmy may not be able to follow all of the rules above, because the blog is read by underage children too, who are not supposed to surf around following links all over the place. So Bimmy may choose to comply with the rules selectively, or not comply at all, or transfer the whole procedure to her adult blog, the Reading Hero, which we could have awarded as well.

Recent post example.

By the way, Bimmy, something tells us you might enjoy the Doodle Week project we just found out about!


TWO: Next comes Catpaw, the angry cat from Toronto, because we like grumpy cats, even when they are not grumpy any more. And we hope he will not disappear again, like he did last January! Cats tend to do that...

Recent post example.

THREE: Another one who does not have a lot of time to blog these days, because she's found a real job, is Jillian, the Verbose Slacker and slacker no more. Her blog JillianApproved is very popular already, but it can be so stupid, we really have to. To be perfectly honest, this is also a bribe for her to approve us.

Recent post example.

FOUR: Speaking of bribes, how could we forget LordLikely! We hope to always be granted access to your lavish lounge, your Obscene Magnificence!

(Any post will do as an example.)

FIVE: So we have two Brits, one American, and one Canadian, so let us switch to a different language and give our fifth Arte y Pico Award to Lotofagus, and his Greek blog Land of Oblivion, so that he doesn't forget us with all those lotuses he's been eating. He too tends to be grumpy and we'd like to cheer him up. Actually, he is on vacation right now so he will not hear the good news for a while. Hopefully he will not forget to come back.

Recent post example.

--

Hope you'll enjoy some of our picks! Well, thanks again to all our readers, and as Lord Likely would say,

Toodle-pip!

And have a very nice weekend!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

You look glassy-eyed!

Oh, some good news.

--

First of all, Ingrid Betancourt, the French lady and former Colombian presidential candidate, who had been kidnapped by FARC rebels and was held hostage for years in the Colombian jungle, is free!

Along with her, three American paramilitary contractors and ex-marines were rescued. These adventurous freelance exterminators held a press conference to let us know that the FARC rebels are Terrorists. Thanks for sharing this, fellas.

Well, that's it? No details, no juice, no insight? Where is the story?

These excerpts from the diary of a Dutch woman, who joined the FARC rebels to serve a good cause (oh the Age of Ignorance...), are precious.

Also precious is the silly movie chronicling the adventures of Woody Allen as he joins the ranks of a similar group, decades ago, for a good cause of his own – namely, to impress a girl. What movie? Bananas, of course!

--

More good news!

Sven has his own blog! Thanks to Bimmy, Frog the Dog, and Co! Are you ready for his frogtastic adSventures?

--

And more great news! We've been awarded an award! Thank you, Soccer Mom! This is the related post. We'll post the award and pass it on in a couple of days. For the moment, you will excuse us. So much to do, so much to read, so much to write... As we were telling Bimmy the other day... We really gotta run. Luckily we don't have to literally run. Do not read and run.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What do they smoke under the sea?

Tentacles of Sopholos, the wise octopus, discovers a new phenomenon:

--

What are an octopus's tentacles? Are they limbs? If so, are they arms or are they legs? Can't they be both? This is obviously a case of arm-leg degeneracy!

Or are they fingers? Or toes? They can't be fingers or toes. (If they were, what happened to the other two?)

--

Roufa asks: If you dig a hole to the other side of the Earth, at some point around the center of the Earth you will have to turn upside down, right?

Tentacles warns:

If you dig a hole to the other side of the Earth, you will have all your questions answered by a giant moronic octopus. Beware of the giant moronic octopus!

--

We felt like pulling his arm-legs. So we asked him: If you work out in the rain, do you have to shower afterwards?
He said there was no rain in the sea.
There's no soap either! observed Mimi. Roufa insisted: Really, isn't rain water the purest you can get? For humans anyway?
...And fish stink! continued Mimi. But only dead fish!

Tentacles said: You are silly, all right. Then tip-toed away on all eight toeless tentacles.



[-Are you the Wise Man on the Mountain?
-What mountain?]